Fun at the Park
by SeparatedCow
Summary: ....why is Kiba stuffing his shirt? COMPLETE AND TOTAL CRACK. Twoshot.
1. Fun in the Park

Take a girl, give her a computer and wait until three in the morning and this is what you get.

A shitty story.

**Disclaimers apply. **

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Neji couldn't believe this. 

"C'mon screwy, it'll be fun, trust me!"

Neji felt his bandaged hand being pulled at, a firm grip pinching his pale hand and fingers as he was flung towards the park, his face barely missing the edge of a plastic slide by inches.

The moody teen ripped his hand from the grip that was so tightly grabbing his hand and scowled.

The jubilant brunette began to fling his arms wildly in the air, climbing up slides and swinging across the metal bars with his much to large hands. His laughter rang in the air as he ran around the deserted playground.

"Guys! Let's be little kids again!"

He was giggling and flinging woodchips over at the five stunned men that stood over in the sidewalk, all of them staring at the unbelievable sight that crossed their eyes.

"This is troublesome." An ebony haired man pulled his hands behind his neck, slightly leaning back and deepening the scowl that was already plastered onto his face.

A blonde next to him smirked, his white teeth hitting against the harsh Konoha sun that stood above.

"It's kind of funny though."

"He's an idiot." A moody spike-haired man crossed his arms tightly around his chest, his bottom lip sticking out slightly, "I'm embarrassed to be here."

Crumbs fell from the mouth of the fifth man, who stood by the rest, hand deep in a bag of chips and mouth full of potato chips.

"I think someone infected him with a disease." Neji grumbled, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper.

"I wanna play too!" The blonde jumped into the air, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement as he ran torwards the playground, landing on the slide to join Kiba.

"Great, Naruto was infected too." Neji almost slapped himself.

"Oi dobe, what are you doing?" The Uchiha barked at the two happily jumping men on the play set, giggling much like small school girls and swinging around the monkey bars like a couple of…monkeys.

"Well, you know what that means." The orange haired man crumbled the plastic bag between his hands, tossing the bag to the side before jumping into the play area with a heavy and meaty thud.

"Great." That lazy leaf ninja stifled a yawn as he watched all three of the grown men dance around the play set with a loud booming song escaping their lips.

Neji stuffed his hands into the pockets of his black shorts, smirking as he watched them. He still had his pride; he was never going to go play in some three-year-old park.

A long silence filled three remaining men, all standing there and watching the loud boys that swung and danced around the play set.

"Well, they seem to be too lonely, I'll go accompany them." The Nara child yawned, breaking the silence as he entered the wood chipped area, his feet crunching against the ground.

Sasuke smirked, "I thought you had at least mastered self-control Nara."

The ebony haired man shrugged, the soft cotton shirt he was wearing shifting slightly as his shoulders moved.

"I guess you thought wrong."

He walked over to the three dancing men, laughing as Kiba pulled him close with a slight embrace.

Sasuke and Neji still stood at the edge of the park, both fidgeting with the insides of their pockets as they stood there in an uncomfortable silence.

Neji ran his thin pale fingers through his long coffee mane, trying to ignore eye contact from the Uchiha that stood besides him, obviously trying to ignore his existence as well.

"They look like they're having fun…" Neji interrupted the silence and rubbed his chin as he turned to look at his long time rival.

"So…" The Uchiha shifted his feet uncomfortably as he turned to look at the Hyuuga branch member.

"So…" Neji shifted his feet as well, listening as the wind whistled around them.

Without another word, the two men sprinted towards the playground, not caring about their pride or their egos.

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"Check this out, check this out." The Inuzuka man lifted his hands up, wiggling his fingers in front of the men with a smirk plastered over his face.

He leaned forward, grabbing a fistful of woodchips in his hands before sliding them down his shirt. He held onto his chest, bunching the wood pieces together as he grinned.

"Look at this."

The two wood chips lumps in his shirt resembled two huge breasts, which Kiba pulled and poked at with a grin. His fangs poking out from his mouth as he grinned.

"Dude, look at that huge rack!" Naruto joked along with him, poking at the wood chips with a laugh, "It's bigger then Tsunade ba-chan's!"

Kiba joined in the laughter, "Do not touch my boobs!" He yelped as Naruto tightened his grip on the fake breasts.

"I'm Sakura!" The dog-boy chuckled as he began to walk away from Naruto, mimicking the pink haired woman with a high-pitched squeal of a voice.

"That's just wrong." Chouji shook his head in mild disgust; the thought with Kiba with breasts would disgust anyone though.

Naruto decided to join in with the game, grabbing a fistful of wood chips in his hands, he slid them down his shirt as Kiba previous had.

"I'm Sakura-chan!" He squealed, earning him a snicker from the audience.

"Hey!" Kiba whipped around, hands still placed on his "breasts" and scowl apparent on his face, "I'm Sakura! You can be Ino or something!"

Naruto shook his head, "She scares me."

"Well I'm Sakura." Kiba said with a flip to his auburn mane, "And I totally love Sasuke-kun!" He gave a wild squeal before rushing over to the moody teen.

"Sasuke-kuuuun! Will you marry me?" Kiba gushed, trying to control his laughter that was about to burst from his mouth.

Neji let out a small snicker as Kiba wrapped his arms tightly around the Uchiha's waist, bringing him closer.

"This is all wrong." The Nara child commented, leaning back against the railing of the play set and yawning. "You need to work on your acting skills."

"I think it's pretty amusing." Chouji said with a smile, continuing to dig through his chip bag.

Shikamaru smirked and closed his eyes as he hopped over the play set and onto the wood chipped ground.

He grabbed a handful of chips and slid them down his shirt with mild amusement.

"Sasuke-kuuuun!" The usual lazy leaf ninja seemed to completely drop his former personality, suddenly turning into a wild fan girl. He hopped quickly to the Uchiha, laughter dangling at his tongue and on the edge to fall out into laughter.

"Marry me! Kiba-chan's not as good as me!"

Now Neji was laughing, clutching his chest, loud laughter spilling out as he doubled over. The thought of Shikamaru with breasts was too funny. Laughter spilled out of his mouth as he chuckled at the entertaining scene in front of him.

Sasuke was mortified. But he couldn't help but let out a few bursts of chuckles. Shikamaru was pretty good at this.

Shikamaru let the wood chips fall from his shirt as he returned to his usual half opened eye and plastered scowl ninja self.

Kiba laughed, letting out a booming shriek of laughter as he leaned against Sasuke's chest, ignoring the protests he was getting from the Uchiha underneath him.

Naruto was laughing along with him, leaning against the railing and letting raucous laughter spill from his slightly parted lips.

Chouji laughed as well, patting his good friend on the back as he munched against his chips.

"Pretty good, no?" Shikamaru gave a sheepishly smile as he hopped off the play set and onto the ground, his feet crunching against the ground as he walked over to a small bench to pick up his discarded green sweater.

"Oh yeah? I can beat that!" Naruto clasped his two hands together, closing his eye tightly before uttering the words.

"SEXY NO JUTSU!"

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Holy fuck. 


	2. Clothes Off Now

This is to all that wanted it.

Yeah...it's more a companion then a sequel, but still...I've never written anything like this before...I don't really know what to say...So...just...sorta read...it...and...

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"Clothes. Off. Now."

"I'm not naked for a reason dammit!"

"Get off me!"

"I'm BLINDED! BLINDED!"

"Perverts!"

Four squealing girls dressing in clothing much, much too big for their petite frames all screamed, faces red and body movements jerky with anticipation and worry.

Four screaming guys all chased these beautiful women, faces marred with anger and bodies flushed as they tried to hide their very naked figures and hanging anatomy with random objects they found along the ground. Sticks…stones…leaves…more sticks…

Twenty academy students watched in horror as the scene erupted before their once virgin eyes.

One academy teacher was screaming his face off.

Why you may ask?

Well….

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He was always so cold.

No matter how boiling hot the weather was, and no matter how high the temperature was cranked up in his small condensed apartment, his ghostly pale flesh that covered his slender figure always stayed the same frigid temperature of cool.

Wrapped up in his favorite cerulean scarf, Hyuuga Neji, age fifteen, stood near the large curving and bending river, his warm breath creating puffs of clouds as it hit against the crisp air.

Clad in a pair of his only civilian clothes, he stood there, apparently taking orders from a pack of wild and vicious women that threatened him with a barrage of kunai and katana to "stand guard" before the male Konoha teens returned from their swim in the frigid and icy waters.

His pale nose looked as though it was dipped in red as it buried itself into the frigid air, looking bright and bold in contrast to his pale skin. He slammed his pearly eyes shut, trying to distract himself from the overly bleak day and onto something more pleasant and—warm.

Water lapped harshly near his feet, splashing against his exposed ankles and nipping almost painfully as a bitter wind whipped by.

He let out a groan.

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"I didn't know the boys were such easy targets."

An auburn haired teen let out a muffled giggle as she slapped her thin hands over her bursting mouth. Her acute chestnut eyes twinkled with pure amusement as she fingered over a spandex green suit, laughing as the fabric stretched across her fingers.

"Well you know what they say," A platinum blonde's voice echoes fiercely through the deserted training grounds, a slight hint of laughter tinting her voice as she speaks, "Women are the superior sex."

"We women are going to be the dead sex if you don't shut it; the boys are just over there."

An exotic haired woman shoots an alarmed look at the blonde as she bundles up a pair of loud orange trousers against her chest.

The blonde lets out a snort.

"God, forehead girl, still so uptight about everything!"

Her slender fingers bite into the fabric of a pair of ebony pants, as she slips them on, laughing as they hang loosely over her thin hips. She tugs at her coral colored shirt and lifts it over her head, exposing her pale skin and simple cotton bra.

Sakura lets out a small sigh as a fishnet shirt is pulled over her friend's curvy body, the thin strands of ebony hugging her body tightly as she begins to prance around.

A lacy red bra is revealed under the thin fishnet material, peeking out under a blanket of black.

"I'm Shikamaru!"

She suddenly stops mid trade and reaches up to her hair, pulling the blonde strands over her head into a tight ponytail. She lets her mascara colored eyelids are drooped into a half-lidded position as she lets out a sigh.

"Troublesome..."

Muffled laughs echo against the trees.

An ebony haired teen lets out a sigh as she leans forward to smell the clothes in her hands, pulling back with a look of absolute disgust crossed her pale face.

"Kiba-kun still doesn't wash his clothes."

Sakura lets out a dry laugh as she leans forward to snatch the clothing from the Hyuuga's former team member. The exotic haired girl wiggles her pencil thin eyebrows as she leans forward to look at the Hyuuga child.

"Wanna wear Naruto's?"

Naruto's clothes dangling between two perfectly manicured nails, the fabric moving swiftly side and side in an almost mocking matter.

The Hyuuga child is absolutely flustered as the alarming and loud orange trousers are thrown over her head, the fabric loud and almost annoying against her pale skin. Her frigid fingers relax as the Inuzuka's clothing is pulled from her hands.

Slipping on the Inuzuka clothing, the medic kunochi laughs as the garments dangle loosely over her slender body, the grey trousers dangling over her knees in thick lumps of fabric. Giggles shower down upon the four women, all slipping the clothes on with happy and smiling faces.

Spandex stretches uncomfortably (but still dangles strangely) over the slightly bulky body of Tenten, the brunette. Her eyes turn wild with amusement as she slips her teammate's clothes on, wind whipping at her exposed neck as she turned to laugh.

The four girls burst into a fit of hysterics, all choking on spit and giggling with wide, wide mouths.

"Girl! You look like a frog—a frog—a frog with pigtails!"

The Yamanaka spat random words from laughter, tears forcing themselves out as she fell uselessly to the ground, her laughter echoing against the trees. The Hyuuga child joined in the laughter with soft showers of giggles, her face lighting up with happiness as the exotic haired woman and platinum blonde rolled about the dirty ground.

Tenten smiled, her perfect lips taking to blessing out a crescent shape.

"This clothing is the signal for youth! This is what every man should wear; this is the BEAUTIFUL GREEN MONSTER!"

The exotic haired woman hoisted herself up, brushing the Inuzuka clan member's clothes off with a sporadic grin.

"Why hello baby, I'm Kiba from the Inuzuka clan, you wanna come to my trailer for some lovin'?"

"This is so troublesome…"

"Um…I'm going to be….Hokage?"

"Are you fucking serious? Some freaky blonde like you couldn't become Hokage, I, Inuzuka Kiba could become a better Hokage then you!"

"Shuddap dobes. All of you."

Ino had dropped the shadow manipulator's clothing and had chose to adorn herself with the soft fabrics of the Uchiha clan; her face grew red with laughter as she slipped the white shorts on, the heavily embroidered fans that scattered about the white fabrics yelling out loudly against her slender figure.

"Oh Gai-sensei, how I wish you were here to see how I weep for all of my fellow students! Yosh! This is truly what it means to be a Shinobi!"

"I am an avenger…I shall kill the one who led to all my suffering….I, Uchiha Sasuke shall…shall…"

With that, the young blonde tripped over the small lump of clothing. Flinging her hands sporadically into sharp cold air, she fell back, hair whipping heavily through the air and face red with drunken giggles. With a surprised yelp, she found herself landing on something much too soft to be the dirt covered ground….

"You shall what? May I ask?"

A deep husky voice echoed horribly through the previously deserted training grounds, with an ear spilling scream, the young blonde scampered to her feet, grabbing her clothes from the ground…

More screams rang shrilly through the air as the four young women began their and panting with harsh breaths and screaming voices, face red with fear as their clothing whipped loudly through the wind.

"Hey! You little pussies! Get the hell back here!"

"My clothes!"

"Shit! They run too fast!"

"BY MY WORD, YOU GUYS SHALL SUFFER THE MOST PAINFUL DEATH ON THE HISTORY OF THIS EARTH!"

Feet slapping extravagantly against the forest floor, the young kunochi's rounded a short corner, the hard rubble surface of the forestry ground melting into wood chips and with a sigh their eyes trailed down to a small academy park. Rushing, rushing, RUSHING, down the large hill that separated them, they all landed in a heavy heap on the wood chipped ground.

"That was…that was…"

"I never want to see a naked man again."

"Then today's you unlucky day!"

A dark voice thundered harshly above them, and with a frightening scream, they all turned, scared out of their minds as five very naked men towered over them, eyes swimming in anger and movements jerky and stiff with frustration.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Then the race began.

Whizzing past slides, and dodging through swing sets, the large park soon became a place for fear, obstacles only made for burning with jutsus and wood chips used as weapons against the very scary men. Clan jutsus and basic jutsus were screamed into the air as the men made a dash for their stolen garments, bodies covered in sweat as they did so.

"Clothes! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!"

Hands from an Inuzuka were thrown onto the body of an exotic haired female, as his wandering hands tried in desperation to pull and tear the clothes from her body.

"GAH! Hinata! Those clothes!"

The blonde's hands were roughly trying to tear his clothes off her, his frustration apparent. His bare body was thrown over her clothed…and for passerby's this looked like entirely UNAPPROPRIATE behavior.

"Yamanaka. Those. Are. Mine."

The ebony haired Uchiha teen spat words out from grinded teeth, his hands trying to shield his naked body from his top adoring fan…of one of the top adoring fans…or previously top adoring fan…She used to have a crush on his DAMMIT!

"That spandex of life belongs to no other then ME! Tenten, I am utterly amazed by your act of foolishness and—"

Screams…screams…screams…

And the academy students.

Of doom.

Then the Iruka-sensei.

Of doom.

Oh yes.

The way they reacted is the same way you would if you saw in your public park five naked men all tackling utterly disabled women, who were screaming their faces red in half embarrassment and half fear. They also reacted the same way you would if you saw the men screaming their faces off, telling the women to strip immediately of else death for them would come much sooner.

Meaning that they were completely and utterly appalled.

Meaning that God was messing with them today.

Meaning that THEY WERE SEEING THINGS THAT WEREN'T RIGHT!

Ah…so that just brings us back to the beginning.

You know…the beginning that you read first…which really was the ending…but the author wanted to be "artistic" and "try something new" by putting the ending first…It's a writing style…A what the hell…just REVIEW!

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If you're going to sue me, please say so in your review.

Thank you.


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